He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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