my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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