So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
