I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize