craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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