he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Two words: blizzard sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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