Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
