Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
