Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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