Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
