Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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