the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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