They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize