My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
