ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We have so much sex to catch up on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
