an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize