Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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