He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
