I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
