I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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