I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
