So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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