I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
