I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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