Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
