Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
