You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
