They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
