We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
