I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize