I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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