He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
