yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
