Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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