found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
