you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
