Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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