I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
