all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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