please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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