R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
