remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
