Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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