she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
