Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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