I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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