i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
