Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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