My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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