i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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