i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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