Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
