Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
