loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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