We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
