wakey wakey hands off snakey
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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