I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
