organizing the empties. That sober.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
