Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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