Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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