u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
