This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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