I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
