I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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