i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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