What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
