His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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