Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
