i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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