Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
