She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
