How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im six kinds of drunk right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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