so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
