There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
