I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
