The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
