would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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