They should really pass out barf bags in church
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
