I heard we made out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
