I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
