Whod you bang
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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