i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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