Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
