did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
