I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize