i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
