Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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