so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
