Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
