I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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