I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You took a bar mat shot.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
