So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
