O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
