I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
