That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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