I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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