dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize